28 December 2007

Rain w/intermittent volcanoes

Posted by Jessica Ball

I’ve just found my new favorite website of the moment. It’s “Science Made Stupid”, and it’s an abridged version of a book by the same name (written by Tom Weller in 1985). Unfortunately, the book isn’t in print (though it is available through used-book purveyors), but the website certainly gives you a good idea of how absolutely hilarious the book is. I love the geologic time scale provided in the “Tables and Charts” section:

Geologic Ages and Events
in millions
of years
5000 Atonal Rocks Mountain ranges upthrust; continents form
Catatonic Gree slime Earthquakes and volcanoes
Prophylactic Green slime w/ orange spots Volcanoes and earthquakes
Accordian Seashells Torrential rains
425 Pedestrian More seashells Thunder and lightning
360 Freudian Slimy things More rain
325 Artesian Slimy things w/ tentacles More thunder and lightning
280 Pestiferous Nasty crawly things More rain, oceans form
230 Obstreperous Lots of nasty crawly things Rain w/ intermittent volcanoes
Cryptic Big warty things Swamps form
165 Styptic Really big warty things Hot, drifting continents
135 Creosote Warty things too big; start over Even hotter, lots of mosquitoes
Obscene Little hairy animals Cooler, 20% chance of comets
Uglyscene Big hairy animals Windy, small continent warning
39 Vaseline Animals w/ silly horns Cold, w/ night and morning glaciers
28 Listerine Animals that don’t understand
about tar pits
Fair inland, patchy fog near coast
12 Ovaltine Shree trews Great weekend for a barbecue
1 Plasticine First homonyms Smog alert
years ago
Recent Modern person;
first Republicans
Freeways upthrust; suburbs form
minutes ago
Very recent Computer nerds emerge Fast-food chains develop

Gotta watch out for those warty things. Actually, this reminds me of Uncyclopedia’s Geologic Time Scale page, which enjoyed a brief popularity in my undergrad geology department. “BIG HONKING GAPOZOIC” was the new answer of choice that semester for people who had trouble remembering geologic eras. (I also highly recommend the Geologist entry, which I and many of my classmates contributed to. If I remember correctly, I’m responsible for the part under “How to Spot a Geologist” about outcrops and 8-lane highways. Memories.)